Most of you will know Mary as the faithful and hardworking wife of Canon John Hesketh. She was John’s wife and helpmate for more than 60 years at a time in churchland when wives were frequently the unpaid curate and/or secretary or even, in Mary’s case, the altar guild for a few years. It is difficult to believe in this day of women clergy and spouses with paid occupations outside the church that so many faithful women have spent so many years of their lives working and living in the way that Mary did.
Mary was not raised to do this kind of work. In fact, as she told me, her family were “Christmas and Easter” attendees at Grace Church on the Hill in Toronto during her formative years. Mary attended University in Toronto where she trained to be an Occupational Therapist, a job which she loved, and it was during this time that she met John on a blind date. John was currently preparing for ordination at Wycliffe College.
John, on the other hand, had grown up in a rectory and knew what to expect. Their courtship was long because the ruling then was that no prospective clergy could be married until they had been ordained and that, in order to marry at all, the Bishop had to approve the marriage. Mary must have been in love and believed in the importance of his work, because she gladly submitted to that ruling and so the young couple waited until John was ordained Deacon at the age of 24 before being married.
John was appointed Curate at the Church of the Redeemer in Toronto on Bloor St. Mary was working at Sunnybrook Hospital in her chosen field but, ever practical, she soon realized that their two schedules were not compatible if their marriage was going to last. So she forsook her work so that she could see her husband sometimes!
Only a year later, the newlyweds were off to the Yukon for a big adventure. John had been hired by the Bishop based in Whitehorse to take on the parish church in town but when they arrived the rectory was occupied by renters so they had to live elsewhere. Their temporary home had no running water, no shower or bathtub, only a copper boiler and an oil stove. For Mary, who had grown up in Toronto, this meant a huge adjustment.
Whitehorse in the early ‘50s was a far cry from the Whitehorse of today: no paved roads, very few indoor toilets and a population of only 2500 souls. The rectory was built of logs, as was the church next door, and did have a well but the water was brackish. Nonetheless, Mary soon learned how to cook on the oil stove and baked frequently for the many drop-ins who came to town. John had a bike to get around, lacking a car, but somehow they managed on a very tiny salary. They even became the temporary parents of a little indigenous baby girl whose mother came to town in desperate straits and Mary learned much about caring for a baby from the more experienced Bishop’s wife who lived nearby. When they left Whitehorse three years later they had made many lasting friends, had learned much about frontier living and had cemented their marriage through it all.
They came then to Niagara Diocese and to Ridley College where John had been hired as Chaplain. Mary was pregnant and their first two children, Barb and David, were born while he held that position. It was a very busy life since John’s role required him to work long hours but Mary coped, as always, even though this was where she became the one and only member of the altar guild. Every Saturday evening during term time, Mary found herself in the empty college kitchen cutting the crusts off of white sliced bread and then neatly scoring each piece of bread into little squares for Communion the next day!
In 1961, the Rector of St Thomas’ Church died suddenly and John was asked to take services there. The congregation decided that they should like to keep him and Bishop Bagnall appointed him Rector. This meant moving into the magnificent rectory next door to the church where they had more than enough space for their growing family which soon included baby Rich. John’s salary was elevated too and they enjoyed the extra money as well as the extra space although there were clear expectations that the rectory family at St Thomas’ should entertain. Montebello Park was just across the road and there were frequently vagrants at the door of the rectory. Mary tried to remember to keep the doors locked to keep the children safe but on one scary occasion she had
forgotten to do so and was frightened by an unwelcome visitor. The rectory was well appointed but its location next to the church meant they were constantly visited by lost souls asking for money. John kept certain jobs for such occasions and would offer the visitor a job for pay rather than a handout. Some of the time that worked!
Their next assignment was in Niagara Falls where Christ Church rectory became the family home. This was also right next door to the church. In fact, the rectory there has no privacy at all. Mary became very alarmed when she realized that the window wells of the church were being used for drug drops and she had school aged children who walked from there every morning to school.
In 1973, the family moved to Guelph. Bishop Bagnall had the novel idea of moving three clergy all at the same time in a kind of three way switch. (And you did as the Bishop told you in this regard in those days!) This time, their rectory was a few blocks from the church but it was tiny and while they were in Guelph John became very sick from cancer. Mary was desperately worried that she would become a widow and a single Mom with no home and no income if John died, since their home was tied to his work. John was sick for 2 of the 4 years that they served in Guelph but Mary remembers kind friends helping to keep her sane. Once John was on the mend, Mary decided to return to College and retrain in OT so that she would be employable should his cancer return. Their kids were 14, 12 and 9 when their Dad was so sick but they all seemed to survive the trauma and this was surely a tribute to Mary’s ability to manage the stress with her usual faith and serenity.
Given all of the turmoil and challenges of rectory living and the political challenges that occur even in the best of parishes, it is a credit to Mary and John and their faithfulness to their calling, (because it was certainly a joint call,) that their ministry blossomed, their family survived the constant upheavals and the marriage lasted lovingly and successfully for so many years. Indeed, Mary attributes her ability to survive the stresses to her faith which has sustained her during tough times.
The next move took them to Grimsby and St Andrew’s. Another large rectory next to the church awaited them. Their children went off to college one by one, and Barb was married from here. In fact, their time in Grimsby stretched to 15 years. Mary discovered quilting in Grimsby, became involved with the Niagara Heritage Quilt Guild and continues to meet with a small group of quilters to this day. In fact, sewing and quilting, music and volunteer work, especially with the Aphasia Society, have all been channels though which Mary has found healing and personal joy.
After retirement from fulltime ministry, Mary and John finally moved into their very own home in West St Catharines. It was a delightful old house with interestingly shaped windows and rooms and a lovely back garden in which John could exercise his green thumb. But the most important thing about that house was that it was theirs and didn’t belong to a parish so they could decorate it and change it in any way that they wished. John took on the role of Priest-in-Charge at Queenston where there were few challenges or stresses. This was a graced period of their lives when they actually had time to enjoy travelling and visiting with their growing family of grandchildren.
Eventually, John retired from Queenston too and they came to St George’s where they made many friends and were soon loved by the congregation. Mary happily joined the Tuesday group in the Lounge for their weekly craft time and natter. Her sewing and quilting work is beautiful and plentiful although she has limited space to show it off now that she has moved into her new apartment.
Her family is not nearby. David is in South Africa with his family. Barb and Rich both live in Calgary with theirs. Mary was thrilled to become a great grandma in 2016 when Barb’s son and daughter-in-law had a son. After so many years of shared ministry, John ‘s passing was a tremendous loss but Mary keeps in touch with her lovely family via her new iPad and emails. She Skypes and sends and receives pictures electronically and is altogether the amazingly “connected” great grandma! She delights in her visits out west to see the growing family and looks forward to their visits here.
And so we thank you, Mary, for all that you are and have been in the life of not only St George’s but in the many other places where you and John served together. We love having you in our midst.
